Some things in life are easier to accept and take part in than others. Some times no matter how much we make changes there are some things that are more difficult to believe in or trust in due to many different reasons. In some cases, it could be because of a lack of faith, or maybe just because something is drastically unfamiliar. Whatever the case, in my experience there becomes a breaking point. Something which pushes a individual to a state of doing and then understanding.
Without getting too specific, certain social aspects of a secular lifestyle do not fit with the changes I have made. The signs have been there all along, but my unyielding to these subtle messages has pushed me into a state of full belief. There are only so many times one can continue the same patterns of thinking before eventually something changes. This change for me came about by external sources specifically conversation with others as well as my own experience.
Sometimes the difficulty arises when one confuses G-D's will with ones own. I have found this very easy to do. However I am thankful and grateful that I have a process to trust in. Specifically Torah.
The track record of others gives me all the success and proof I need to now find it within myself to believe fully. At least at this moment. The struggle of giving over to this process, or G-D's will is a never ending. However, the more I do on a daily basis, the more in starts to infiltrate every aspect of my life whether I am aware of it at the time or not. Immersing myself in Torah study certainly enhances my outlook. Specifically Chassidus which sheds light into everyday functions such as eating etc.
This journey keeps getting deeper and deeper. The beautiful part is that there is no "end". What is available is a endless supply of getting closer to G-D and incorporating everything I do for the sake of Him.
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