Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Without getting too specific, certain social aspects of a secular lifestyle do not fit with the changes I have made. The signs have been there all along, but my unyielding to these subtle messages has pushed me into a state of full belief. There are only so many times one can continue the same patterns of thinking before eventually something changes. This change for me came about by external sources specifically conversation with others as well as my own experience.
Sometimes the difficulty arises when one confuses G-D's will with ones own. I have found this very easy to do. However I am thankful and grateful that I have a process to trust in. Specifically Torah.
The track record of others gives me all the success and proof I need to now find it within myself to believe fully. At least at this moment. The struggle of giving over to this process, or G-D's will is a never ending. However, the more I do on a daily basis, the more in starts to infiltrate every aspect of my life whether I am aware of it at the time or not. Immersing myself in Torah study certainly enhances my outlook. Specifically Chassidus which sheds light into everyday functions such as eating etc.
This journey keeps getting deeper and deeper. The beautiful part is that there is no "end". What is available is a endless supply of getting closer to G-D and incorporating everything I do for the sake of Him.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
The Rebbe only comes to people when he wants. I received a blessing from him in my sleep which is undoubtedly going to come into fruition. One step at a time this journey keeps getting better and better. I have to say that Tzfat holds a special place in my heart and I really enjoy the atmosphere here.
I have made a commitment to continue with what I have been doing for daily study which includes the daily portion of Chumash, Tanya, Rambam and Tehillim, and of course everything I am learing in yeshiva. I find it very peaceful to sit down with a nice cup of coffee in the middle of the day and break out the Chayenu.
After waking up from my dream I found I had a new strength to push forward and really soak up as much as I can. This place is growing on me...
Monday, July 22, 2013
Arriving to Tzfat was amazing. It's very hard to describe the feeling this place has. I really enjoy it here. For someone who is a artist at heart like myself, I connect with the surroundings here on a very instinctual level.
The yeshiva seems to be a good fit for me so far. My learning should improve here.
I totally see myself spending time on the kikar deck(a patio surrounding with calm music and food etc.).
This place is great for introspection. You can randomly at any time engage in conversation with people about G-D or spirituality. In fact, a conversation can start on something mundane and turn into a deep one.
I project a significant amount of growth for myself here.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Today I am heading back to Tzfat to check out a different yeshiva which has been suggested to me. I have spoke with multiple people who feel that it may be a better fit for me.
I was also informed that the Rebbe said anyone who wants to go to Israel to learn should go to Tzfat. I am very hopeful and excited to see what this program will be like.
Last time I was in Tzfat I was only there for a shabbaton and I was sick. Even being sick, I could feel something there that made it extremely special.
Hoping for the best...