So today was a bit more productive for me compared to recent days. I'm actually starting to get Talmud (although still not completely liking it). I felt pretty good about the test today.
I still think I am in a adjustment period here. Things here are much different compared to my previous yeshiva. I am hoping to gain the skills necessary here to be able to learn on my own. Feeling a bit under the weather today something is going around...
The toughest part of this whole experience for me is trying to stay in the moment and not think about the future.
Last night I decided to learn some Midrash, something I have never really looked at before. It is quite fascinating! The portion I opened up had to deal with Jacob going out to find a wife. I just chose this at random not even knowing. I found I related quite a bit to this encounter. In the Midrash is says that Jacob went out to find a wife with no material means, which is not typically the case. Previous forefathers would go out with valuables in order to find a wife. Except in the case of Issac who didn't even have to go far to find a wife. She more or less just came to him.
It goes on to explain how Jacob had trust in Hashem that everything would work out. I found I related to this quite a bit as I myself do not have any financial means and am also "searching". Even more interesting is how the Midrash went even further to explain the process by which Hashem brings people together. I have to say that by reading this portion it brought a sense of ease to know that even Jacob had struggles with this! However I hope to be able to draw his level of faith!
This entire journey has been trusting in Hashem. I literally dropped everything in my life to go study in yeshiva because something inside me said it was the right thing to do. The struggle I find is to maintatin that child like faith on a day to day basis.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed my Midrash experience and will be learning more of it! Who doesn't like to know details anyway!!?